at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
