Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
