Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
