dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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