Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
