She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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