Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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