So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
