Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
