I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
