We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
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