Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
