This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
