So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
