i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
