She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
