nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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