I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
