I molested 6 butterflies tonight
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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