I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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