Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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