We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
