I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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