That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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