I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
