i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
