My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
