my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
