hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
