Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
