in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
