can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
