my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
