She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
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