At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
