nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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