The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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