We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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