I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
