i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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