don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
