I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
