I can text with my tongue
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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