Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
