I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
