I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
