I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
