i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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