Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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