I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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